Add fun and happiness in your life with the best Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes about Life, Short Funny Quotes and Funny Friendship Quotes. Funny things are very important in life, they keep you light and fresh. Short Funny Quotes keeps you and your family smiling and happy. Share the best Short Funny and Stupid Quotes with your best friends on whatsapp.
Showing 401 to 450 of Total 474 Items
401. My relationship is like an iPad. I donât have an iPad.
402. My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cryâŠ
403. Never drive faster than a guardian angel can fly.
404. No thanks, I didnât fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.
405. No, I donât read. The letters get really repetitive after a while.
406. Of all the dogs, a hot dog is the most noble; it feeds the hand that bites it.
407. Of course I have a talent. Iâm really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than hours in one go.
408. Of course youâre not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us.
409. Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind you!
410. Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.
411. Pity thereâs no gym for your face.
412. Promises are like babies⊠Theyâre fun to make but hard to deliver.
413. Whenever four New Yorkers get into a cab together with no arguing, a bank has just been robbed.
414. Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
415. Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, whatâs he done to you?
416. Send out your heart to the emancipation movement, bearded women want to be loved too.
417. Some peopleâs X-rays actually look much better than their photographs.
418. Somebody said today that Iâm lazy. I nearly answered him.
419. Sometimes I drink water â just to surprise my liver.
420. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
421. Sometimes itâs time to lay on the couch and do nothing at all for two years.
422. Sorry, I canât hang out. My auntieâs cousinâs brother in lawâs best friendâs accountantâs roommateâs pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.
423. Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.
424. Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.
425. Television is a medium â anything well done is rare.
426. Thank you, I donât need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.
427. The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
428. The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.
429. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running through a recreational area?
430. The human body was clearly designed by a civil engineer.
431. The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.
432. The only reason Iâm fat is because a tiny body couldnât store all this personality.
433. The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when youâre trying to find your smartphone.
434. The perfect man doesnât swear, doesnât smoke, doesnât get angry, doesnât drink. He also doesnât exist.
435. The road to success is always under construction.
436. The shortest horror story: Monday.
437. The snorers are always the ones to fall asleep first.
438. The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second cash desk.
439. There are days when you just want to envelop everybody with light and warmth⊠preferably through the use of a flamethrower.
440. There are people who are a living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
441. There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.
442. There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now Iâm not even willing to throw up in your direction.
443. They say crime doesnât pay. So does my current job make me a criminal?
444. They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I donât want even the slightest risk.
445. They say money doesnât bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself.
446. They say money doesnât grow on trees, but why do banks have branches then?
447. War never decides who is right. War only decides who is left.
448. WARNING: Alcohol consumption may cause you to think that you are whispering when you are quite definitely not.
449. We got divorced on the grounds of religious differences. My husband thought he was God.
450. What can you say when itâs already late and you really want to go home?