Add fun and happiness in your life with the best Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes about Life, Short Funny Quotes and Funny Friendship Quotes. Funny things are very important in life, they keep you light and fresh. Short Funny Quotes keeps you and your family smiling and happy. Share the best Short Funny and Stupid Quotes with your best friends on whatsapp.
Showing 351 to 400 of Total 474 Items
351. Iāve been single for so many years I believe I will soon become an album.
352. If a man said heāll fix it, heāll fix it. There is no need to nag him every months about it.
353. If I can still lie on the ground without having to hold myself, Iām not drunk.
354. If I were you, Iād wish to be me!
355. If Iām not back in five minutes, just wait longerā¦
356. If Iām driving you crazy, please remember to put your seatbelt on.
357. If Iāve told you once, Iāve told you a million times: Donāt exaggerate!
358. If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.
359. If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
360. If pro is the opposite of con, what would then be the opposite of progress?
361. If somebody calls you ugly, you can just say, āYouāve mistaken me for your mirror again, didnāt you?ā
362. If the grass is greener on the other side, fair bet is, the water bill is higher too.
363. If you canāt see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
364. If you canāt live without me, why arenāt you dead yet?
365. If you do a job too well, youāll get stuck with it.
366. If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
367. If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
368. If you see nothing you could be grateful for, check your pulse.
369. If you think nobody cares if youāre alive, try missing a couple of bank payments.
370. If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
371. If you want to keep a true perspective of your own importance, get a dog that will worship you and a cat that will scorn you.
372. If youāre hotter than me, then that means Iām cooler than you.
373. If youāre having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.
374. If youāre not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
375. If youāre using the phrase āeasy as taking candy from a baby,ā try taking candy from a baby.
376. If your friend asks for some of your chips, you can reply: Thereās no āweā in chips.
377. If your parents never had children, chances are you wonāt either.
378. If your wife wants to learn how to drive, you better not be standing in her way.
379. In books, there hides great knowledge; knowledge is power; power corrupts; corruption is a crime; crime doesnāt payā¦ basically, if you keep on reading, youāll end up a beggar.
380. Intelligence relentlessly rides in your wake ā but you are faster.
381. It is a fact of nature that light arrives faster than sound. Which is why some people can appear quite bright, until they speak.
382. It is a truth universally acknowledged that your urge to pee intensifies as you are unlocking the door.
383. It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about years.
384. It is whatās inside that matters ā the fridge is a perfect example.
385. It may seem like Iām doing nothing, but Iām actively waiting for my problems to disappear.
386. Itās funny how many people get mad when a sentence doesnāt end as they carrot juice.
387. Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks youāre a great big idiot.
388. Just you keep on talking, for sure someday youāll say something intelligent.
389. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
390. Looking at the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken must have been around or feet tall.
391. Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.
392. May I be excused? My brain is quite full.
393. Maybe you should move. There must be a village looking for an idiot.
394. Money alone wonāt make you happy. Youāve got to own it.
395. Money canāt buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
396. My boyfriend is so ugly, I sometimes have to put roofies in my own drink.
397. My goal this weekend is to moveā¦ just enough so people donāt think Iām dead.
398. My middle finger salutes you!
399. My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.
400. My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.