Add fun and happiness in your life with the best Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes about Life, Short Funny Quotes and Funny Friendship Quotes. Funny things are very important in life, they keep you light and fresh. Short Funny Quotes keeps you and your family smiling and happy. Share the best Short Funny and Stupid Quotes with your best friends on whatsapp.
Showing 251 to 300 of Total 474 Items
251. A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
252. A jellyfish has existed as a species for million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
253. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
254. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work stationâŠ
255. A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after floors thinks to himself â well, so far so good!
256. According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
257. After millions of years of evolution, youâre kind of a disappointment.
258. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
259. Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.
260. All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
261. Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.
262. Always remember youâre unique, just like everyone else.
263. An opportunist is the guy who drinks the water while the pessimist, the optimist and the realist are arguing about how full the glass is.
264. Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.
265. As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
266. Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesnât change after Iâve had that coffee, but it feels much better.
267. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.
268. Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.
269. Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!
270. Chocolate doesnât ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.
271. Come over to the dark sideâŠweâve got candy.
272. Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up finally and solve your own problems!
273. Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.
274. Did you see (or possibly get) a bad hairdo?
275. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
276. Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.
277. Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.
278. Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? Thatâs right, me neither.
279. Doesnât expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
280. Dogs have beloved masters. Cats have waiting staff.
281. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youâre done.
282. Donât tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
283. Donât vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasnât even on.
284. Donât worry if plan A fails, there are more letters in the alphabet.
285. Donât you wish they made a clap on clap off device for some peopleâs mouths?
286. Donât drink while driving â you might spill the beer.
287. Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
288. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.
289. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
290. A lot of people are only alive today because the law makes it impossible to shoot them.
291. Fart when people hug you. Youâll make them feel strong.
292. Fat? Me? No, no, no! These are airbags because I am precious.
293. Finally, the spring is here! Iâm so thrilled I wet my plants.
294. Funny offense: With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit against your parents.
295. Funny that you canât spell âslaughterâ without âlaughter.â
296. Girls want a lot from one guy. On the other hand, a guy only wants one thing from a lot of girls.
297. Go bungee jumping. Your life started with a malfunctioning rubber, so itâs only right it should end that way, too.
298. God created the world, everything else is made in China.
299. Good thing Noah took those two coffee beans on board.
300. Hard work pays off in the future. Lolling on the couch pays off right now.